Welcome to the World. How may I assist you?- Ch. 3

Chapter III- The Final Installment
One of the Winged Guardian’s notorious enemies (because we all know with every super hero comes a super douche) the Trashinator, had taken a main sewage line and shot it into the main Water and Power building ventilators spewing muck, mucus and mayhem throughout the building shutting down power city wide.

Now in our dream dungeon we’re on the government system, government power. I was doing some standard scheduling for his upcoming independent contracts when the buzzer sounded and a live stream of the Trashinator on a rooftop laughing popped up. I panicked! I could call the Guardian’s emergency number and bring him back from his needed vacation or I could pretend I was a superhero myself and SAVE THE DAY! So what do I do? Escape reality, safety and sanity completely.

Grabbing my cell phone and car keys I ran to the elevator, went up to the garage and hijacked the super speed car. Speeding along the streets (in not a very straight pattern I might add- hey, I’d never driven a super car before) watching cars pull out of the way for me and people staring outside their windows hoping to catch a glimpse of the Winged Guardian, I felt accomplished and proud. All my hard work was finally going to show itself in one huge moment.

Those warm tingly feelings lasted a whole 30 seconds before I pulled up to the water and power building now surrounded by on-lookers, police and firemen. I could feel a ripple of relief and joy shoot through the crowd as my car arrived and the police moved the barricades. A stunned silence passed over everyone the moment I stepped out of the car.

As the chief of police came charging towards me I began to hyperventilate. This was real and really stupid.

“What are you doing here?”

“The Guardian is busy. He asked me to check out the scene,” I lied. “What’s the status?”

He rolled his eyes and looked a little shocked that I could demand information but he knew who I was and who I worked for so he complied. “The Trashinator has locked all the doorways except one, the one leading to the service elevator which he has programmed to go straight the roof.”

“How convenient,” I muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing, I’m going up. Can I have a vest, please?”

“You’re going up?”

“Yeah, got a problem with that?”, I asked in my best authoritative voice. The chief merely looked at me like ‘Hey, it’s your funeral’, made a hand signal to some unknown person and two seconds later a policeman was strapping me up with a bullet proof vest and a gun.

As the elevator rose up slowly I began to feel a sudden calm come over me. What’s the worst that could happen? I mean I could die, that was a possibility, a probability really but I was dying for my beliefs, my people. What more of a noble calling could I ask for? The moment the doors opened and a gust of fresh putrid air came at me all that nobility went out the window and was replaced by sheer fear. I crouched down and began crawling behind the only cover I could find: the vent blowing up the shitty air from the Trashinator’s disaster of a creation.

“Hello, hello, who’s there mon friar?”

“Hello Trashinator,” I said in my deepest, manliest voice possible.

“You aren’t the Guardian. Too chicken to come himself I see.”

“Pfft. He’s too busy fighting real criminals to worry about a dirt bag like you.”

“Oh really and who are you? One of the third tiers heroes? Called off the bench to play a few rounds?”

I continued to move around the roof crouching, not knowing where the Trashinator was exactly. I could certainly hear and smell him. The smell kept getting stronger and I wasn’t sure if it was him or the shit air blowing in my face.

“Boo!”

I turned around and there he was. He immediately grabbed me by the collar. “You’re not a hero! Just a lame copy girl!”

“I’m an assistant!” and with that I kicked him right in the balls sending him to the ground. From there I poked him straight into both eyes. As he squealed and squirmed he got closer and closer to the edge of the roof. I kicked and punched with the little energy I had (I didn’t make it to the gym much—work and all). Then on the kick that would have been the Coup-de-gras pushing him over the ledge once and for all, he grabbed the leg I had planted on the ground and pulled. I dropped straight down and he slid over the ledge pulling me with him. I tried to dig my nails in to slow things down which always does a whole lot of good. Finally I reached the edge of the roof with the shit head dangling off my ankle.

What’s a girl to do, hanging here, with a piece of garbage stuck to her? Why make a phone call of course. Somehow I managed to pull my cell phone out of my breast pocket and pull myself up a little on the ledge to dial. But who to call in a time like this? Oh I guess I’ll call my superhero boss and ruin his vacation. Perfect.

Ring ring. Ring ring. Ri-

“Alo, my darling.”

“Um, so I’m in a bit of a situation.”

“Oh yes?,” he said teasingly.

“Yeah, um, I’m hanging off the edge of the water and power building with the Trashinator dangling off my leg because he attacked the building with a bunch of shit and sewage. Mind coming to my rescue?”

“I’ll be right there,” he said seriously.

And now, here we are, the Trashinator and I holding on by my last finger, waiting for the Winged Guardian to fly here and save me. Actually, there goes my last finger.

“Oh, FU-“